INTERVIEW WITH JIMMY McCANN

I hear it over and over--how much my readers like the character Jimmy McCann or Jimmy. Jimmy is a mix of good heartedness, ruthlessness, strength and heroic weaknesses. He is eloquent and profane. Most men and perhaps even some women would like to be at least somewhat like Jimmy--would like to have his sand. But as in true life, there can be only one Jimmy.

And there IS a Jimmy--a man who's larger-than-life persona is the basis for the Jimmy McCann character in my novels. I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce and have you talk with the REAL Jimmy.

A: I was a Navy Special Forces recruit before they were called SEALs. I was a member of Underwater Demolition Team Twenty-One--UDT-21. I was a Frogman. Blue-Water Divers they called us.

A: Can't go into specifics of course, but mostly we would set up means to spy on bad guys and we would also blow up things the bad guys needed. Aside from spying on bad guys and blowin' up their stuff, we were supposed to introduce as many of them as possible to their God.

A: Regrettably yes, I have been on a real goat fuck. In case of just such a thing, we were trained to first, get to the water. We are best in the water. Once we get to water, and in the face of a failed mission, we are trained to swim as far out to sea as possible and . . . . drown. We need to be totally deniable.

Q: Well, if you were supposed to drown yourself, and since you did say you had been on a failed mission, how is it you are still alive?

A: Well, we swam out a few miles--jokin' most of the way out 'cause we knew what was happening. We accepted it was the best thing and really had no regrets. But before we got too goddamned tired, this periscope comes cuttin' through the water in front of us. A sub surfaces and asks us if we wanted a lift.

A: Yes, and that's what got Gabelhouse and I together. One night at a party Gary and a mutual friend were talking about their times on Mt. Kenya. Not wanting to be left out, I spilled the beans that I, too, had been on that hill. Gabelhouse began writing his first novel, Dreams of the N'dorobo, and he came to me to help him keep his fiction as authentic as possible. I even taught him how to swear in SEAL'ese.

A: We were there in support of the Brits--blowin' up Mau-Mau camps and supplies and sending as many of the Mau-Mau to their god as was humanly possible. We also assassinated Mau-Mau leaders. Since they were considered terrorists by the British colonial government, we had an open season. 'Course, in the light of history, we ended up on the wrong side of that one. A lot of the guys we were trying to kill ended up running the post-colonial, Kenyan government. Can't call them terrorists or rebels anymore, either. Have to call 'em Freedom Fighters.

A: Hell no. Too goddamn old to have that kind of potty mouth. However, I can and sometimes do swear fluently in eleven different languages. Went to a Hungarian restaurant one time and asked the waitress how to say I love you in Hungarian. She said there were many ways. I asked if Lofus der shaggin was one of those ways. Well she damn near shit herself and ran to the kitchen. She comes back with her husband, the cook, who held a big goddamn knife.

"Do you know what that means?" he asked--his face two or three inches from mine. The man must have just eaten 'cause I could smell the goulash on his breath.

I begged forgiveness....I pleaded insanity. It worked. He didn't become a Hungarian Mohel. As I left I waved over my shoulder and pleasantly said, "Lofus der shaggin sweetheart!" Back then I could run pretty good.

Q: Speaking of running--in the novels, Jimmy is wheelchair bound. Are you really in a wheelchair?

A: Sometimes when I'm really hung over. (Laughs--Coughs) Naw. Not really. I've got my share of health issues, but so far I can still walk on these ol' frog legs. The pacemakers are another thing though--that's true life adventure, son. Shit fire, but when one of those goes off in the heat of sweaty sex, well....it is confirms that I am a Tantric sex god. (laughs--coughs)

A: Yes. Folks, love this country. It needs our love--deserves our love. Laugh lots. Love your family. Kiss your wife and kids all the time. If you don't have a family, fall in love. Love beats no love every time. Tell them that you love them. Say it often. Treat every day like this is the last day you'll be with them, for one day....it will.

We will conduct other interviews with the real Jimmy in the future. Also, if you want to ask Jimmy a question, email it to me at ggabelhouse@neb.rr.com and I'll get it to him and post his response.

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